Muse no Jutsu!
by Dolphin River
Summary: Random Naruto drabbles that can and will strike. Anything from Humor to Tragedy. You've been warned.
1. Stuck in your head

A/N: A random plot inspired by all of the stupid Christmas songs they keep playing.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

* * *

Kyuubi is bored and Naruto hates it when this happens. Yeah, sure, he is bored too, but that is what makes the situation oh _so_ much worse.

Why is that, you ask?

Well, when Kyuubi is bored, he tends to think it an amusing past time to rifle through the boy's memories. And the boy is privy to his thoughts, as well as the actual memories, when he goes through them. Also, the Kyuubi doesn't dwell on the most important or the most embarrassing moments (the boy already does this enough on his own and he already knows Kyuubi's opinions on the matter), _oh no_, he tries to find the most obscure memory he can get his han-er… paws on and comments thoroughly on every single little detail. Because of this, Naruto has an uncanny ability to remember a lot of stuff- he is constantly being forced to see them over and over again, but I digress.

And everybody always wonders why Naruto never lets life become boring.

Currently, Kyuubi is forcing the boy to relive the memory of when he was on a mission to Kusogakure no Sato. The mission was a simple C class and would have gone off without a hitch, if it weren't for one simple little fact: the client had insisted on listening to the same song over and over _and over _again for two weeks straight, night-and-day.

At first, Naruto kind of liked the song. It was one of those that's just on the border of your personal tastes in music, so you don't really mind listening to it. However, after the third day of the song, even Sasuke and Kakashi were about ready to rend the man's head from his shoulders. By the time that the mission was over, it had been ingrained into their heads, robbing them of thought, and they would often find themselves humming the tune when they didn't hear it because they weren't in the vicinity of their client.

It took Naruto a month to get the damn song out of his head when he returned to Konoha.

And now, a year later, Kyuubi apparently thought that it would be fun to bring the memory to the forefront of the boy's mind. Naruto resisted the urge to scream at the stupid demon that he had been just as ready to slaughter the client as everyone else at the time. It also didn't help that fact that Naruto was in the middle of a reconnaissance mission that had an almost one hundred percent death possibility if he was caught.

_**You know gaki, now that I think about it, this song really grows on you.**_

_Shut up, Kyuubi._

The great beast laughed. **_The look on that infidel's face when you asked him to stop playing the song is priceless._**

Naruto remembered that. How could he not when the scene passed behind his eyes the instant the Youma said that? The horror on the man's features coupled with the discreet looks of relief that crossed his teammates faces, then the reversal of expressions when the man refused. An invisible shiver worked it's way down his spine.

The Kyuubi laughed again. **_Gaki, you should play it when we get back._**

_No way in the Nine Hells, bastard fox. _To Naruto's terror, a week after he had finally gotten the song out of his head, Lee, who had heard him humming it under his breath, had gotten him the CD for Christmas, thinking that Naruto liked the song. And in the 'spirit of youth and Christmas', had insisted that he play it for the rest of the day.

It had taken another week to get the damn song out of his head again.

Naruto ducked deeper in to the foliage as he felt a presence nearby, then to his intense dismay, _Kyuubi-_ destroyer of civilizations, strongest being in the entire universe- began to _sing_ the song. Naruto gritted his teeth, wincing as the Youma's deep bass voice sang- _badly-_ out of tune.

_Shut up, you infernal, over-powered flea bag!_ He screeched at the demon, his own tone capable of bending metal if it had been spoken out loud. This only served to encourage the demon further, however, and he began to sing louder, laughter evident in his voice. Naruto was beginning to get a migraine.

To take his mind off of the demon, he decided it was time to switch positions. Stealthily, he moved closer the missing-nins' base, almost praying to get caught, if only for the distraction it would provide. He stopped however, when he heard a couple of the guards.

"You know I just heard this new song the other day. It's really good, goes something like this…" And before Naruto had a chance to cover his ears, because he just _knew _what was coming, the guard began to sing _that_ song. The song that was the bane of Naruto's very existence at the moment.

The Kyuubi began singing along with the nukenin, and for Naruto it was like hearing the song in stereo- horrible, horrible stereo- and suddenly he began to see red. He just couldn't take it anymore!

Leaping out of the bushes with a speed that was fueled by his annoyed frustration, and the Kyuubi's chakra, he jammed a kunai into the man's chest, abruptly cutting off the song at both ends. He heaved a mental sigh of relief, then jumped back as the man's partner attacked. Still angry, he threw a couple of shuriken at the other nukenin with enough force that they could have cut a tree in the Forest of Death in half. But the damn bastard didn't have the decency to die quietly.

No matter. Fighting was a good stress reliever, and Naruto had a _lot _of stress.

* * *

Tsunade sat behind her desk, looking over the report that Naruto handed to her. She then took the time to look him over. He was drenched head to toe in blood, but she was unable to read his expression due to his ANBU mask. The mission had been to see if the group of missing-nin would be a threat and Tsunade couldn't help but think, _Not that they matter anymore._

She sighed, glancing again at the report. "Naruto, your mission had been to _stay hidden _and gather information. What, pray tell, made you to decide to reveal your presence and slaughter the entire encampment?"

His response was definitely not one she was expecting.

"They were singing."

Tsunade sighed againand Naruto's partners flinched.

In the back of his mind as Tsunade moved on, Naruto could hear the Kyuubi snicker in amusement.

* * *

As they left the Hokage's office, Naruto was discussing with Kyuubi the perfect prank (this was how he kept the demon from going through his thoughts, after all foxes were natural tricksters). Suddenly, he snatched the sound of a tune that the secretary was humming.

Later, the secretary reported that the last thing he remembered was a frustrated growl and a black and white blur, before waking up in the hospital.


	2. Luck

_Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto._

**Luck**

Sakura sighed and Shizune worried her bottom lip between her teeth as they watched their leader, the Godaime Hokage of Konoha Tsunade. Somehow, the blonde woman had managed to conjure up a suitcase full of money and enough time to gamble it off in. So here they were, sitting in a gambling parlor, watching as the blonde played a game of Evens or Odds.

And they watched as the powerful blonde woman was slowly but surely massacred by her own bad luck.

"Tsu-Tsunade-shishou, maybe you should save some of your money and come back later," Sakura tried, as the suitcase was already three-quarters empty and all of the other patrons were eyeing it like the predators they are.

"Quiet, Sakura," Tsunade chastened, "I want a comeback now, not later." Sakura sweat-dropped at the pun, knowing that Tsunade wouldn't have given up anyway, so Sakura had no choice but to observe as her teacher lived up to her infamous nickname 'The Legendary Sucker.'

"Bah!" All heads swiveled to the sound only to notice a blonde young man, along with an older white haired man, standing in to doorway of the parlor. The blonde man spoke again, "You wouldn't be able to have a comeback in twenty years, you old hag, let alone right now."

A vein popped out on the blonde woman's forehead, and she growled menacingly at the other blonde. "Naruto…"

The white haired man chuckled, adding his two cents to the discussion, "He's right Tsunade. You have the worst luck of all time." Tsunade scowled, and Jiraiya slapped Naruto on the back with a smug smile on his face, "Now Naruto here, would be able to double what you originally had in your suitcase by the end of the night."

Tsunade stopped scowling at that, glancing at Naruto with a wicked gleam entering her eye. "Oh really? You want to make a bet about that?" Naruto, Sakura and Shizune just sweat-dropped once more, Naruto with a nervous look on his face. Hushed whispers broke out between the other patrons, most likely placing their own bets on the outcome of the match.

Jiraiya smirked, a gleam also entering his eye. "Alright. What are the terms?"

"Taking the money I have left, if Naruto is able to at least double the amount I originally had, then I will give you both pay raises. However, if isn't able to do it, then I get half of both your mission pay for two months."

"Wh-what! Tsu-Tsunade-sama!" Shizune tried desperately.

Jiraiya was rubbing his chin thoughtfully, contemplating the terms. "Sounds fair… however, we also want a cut of 25 of whatever Naruto wins along with the pay raise, if he is able to successfully fulfill the conditions."

Tsunade grinned maniacally, "Deal!" Then turning to Naruto, "You up for this, brat?"

Naruto smiled superiorly, "Of course you old hag, I never back down from a challenge!" He gingerly sat down along the edge of the betting mat as people made room for him. Many were looking him over, trying to size him up as they thought of placing a bet.

"Here you go brat," Tsunade said, handing him her money. Naruto looked it over, a mock grim look on his face as he calculated the amount, then nodded to the dealer. The dealer threw the dice in the cup, and slapped the cup face down on the ground.

"Place your bets!"

Grabbing about a third of the money- Sakura's and Shizune's hearts stopping as he did so- he placed it on the mat in front of him, saying evenly, "Odd."

The rest of the bets were made, and the dealer picked up the cup: the dice read two and three- Odd.

Several people let out relieved breaths and Naruto was handed the amount he won. The second round Naruto bet half the money on Even, and again he won. In two rounds he had won back almost the entire amount that had been contained in the suitcase. Everyone gaped as he once again scooped out half of the money, betting Even once again. The dice read six and four- Even.

"Jiraiya-sama, how is he able to do that?" Sakura whispered to the Toad Sannin.

The white-haired Sannin gave the woman an amused glance, "After being on his team for nearly six years, I would have thought that you would know that Naruto has the luck of the devil." Sakura gave him a confused look, then turned to the proceedings once more.

It was the fourth round, and Naruto had a grim look on his face. Carefully, he picked up less than a fourth of his current pot, and placed it on the ground. "Odd."

"He's trying to minimize his losses," Jiraiya responded to confused looks all around. "He doesn't think that he can win this round, and so to reduce any loss that might occur, he's reduced the amount he has bet. Though most don't realize it, he generally does rationalize his decisions based on his intuition. Currently, it's telling him that this round is a bad one, and so he acts accordingly."

"That's good rationale for a leader, which is why I made him an ANBU captain against the protests of many," Tsunade replied solemnly. "An now his whole squad is utterly loyal to him, and they trust him completely."

Shizune was staring at the older woman with a knowing smile while Sakura just gaped.

They turned to watch, and unbelievably, Naruto lost. He let out a sigh, then gave a vicious grin, betting another half on Odd. Everyone's mouth was dry as the watched the cup raise; six and three- Odd.

In the sixth round, Naruto lost about a quarter of his money, which caused him to frown as though something more than money, in his mind, had been running on that bet.

At the seventh round, in his frustration, he bet the entire sum of money- Odd.

Sakura and Shizune glanced at Jiraiya, who was looking thoughtful.

Tension built as they waited for the results. The amount of money Naruto had bet was enormous, and if he won, Jiraiya would win the bet. If he lost, Tsunade would win.

The seconds ticked by and the suspense was becoming unbearable. Finally, all bets were placed and the dealer was sweating nervously at the intense looks people were giving him. Swallowing harshly, he quickly lifted the cup; Naruto's heart stopped, his eyes wide.

Three and Four- Odd.

Wild cheering and applause broke out, as people thumped Naruto on the back and congratulated him. Others began to collect on their bets.

Three people were not participating in the merriment. Sakura looked over at Naruto, to see him staring down at the ground with a mixed look of shock and relief, then toward the two Sannin to see them looking at the blonde with thoughtfully pleased smiles on their faces.

"Looks like, Naruto, that seven, not six, is your lucky number. Guess you're going to have to wait a little longer." Tsunade said softly, almost inaudibly, though Naruto nodded anyway.

"What can I say?" Jiraiya asked rhetorically. "The boy has luck on his side."

That night, Sakura was forced to contemplate the deeper meaning of those simple statements.

Naruto really did have luck on his side.

* * *

_A/N: whistles A simple drabble but there is a lot of symbolism in it. Especially with the numbers._

_In Japan, the number three is considered the 'magic' number, which is probably the reason whyThird lived so long as Hokage and the village was so peaceful during his reign. The number four is associated, due to the way it's Kanji looks, with death, so I guess you could say that it was fated for the Fourth to die, andat a young age. Seven, in Japan, is viewed as the number of luck, so I think it would make sense that becauseNaruto has such a crazy amount of luck, that hebecome the Seventh Hokage, instead of the Sixth, and so, viola, we have a deeper meaning._

_Just some history._


	3. Chaos

_A/N:__ Just an idea I had. I have no plans to go anywhere with this, it is just used to bring up the question:_

_Normally, in time-travel stories, it's Naruto or one of his friends sent back in time and their purpose and actions are pretty predictable: fix the future. But what if the person sent back _isn't_ predictable or even one of the 'good guys'?_

* * *

He curled his fingers, watching the tendons pull over his knuckles as the muscles (_lumbricals_ his medic's mind whispered) forced the phalanges to pivot around the joints. The skin was smooth, un-creased by time and wear, elastic from strong collagen and carotene bonds, but the calluses that scarred the palms signified a shinobi's lifestyle.

A knock on the door cut off his contemplation, as a voice called in, "Is everything all right? You've been in there for a while…"

"Yes, I'm fine." He replied smoothly.

"Okay…" The speaker didn't sound too sure, but was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. "Well, don't take too much longer. Breakfast is almost ready."

"Of course, father." Footsteps faded down the hallway, and he was left to his own devices once more.

Looking into the bathroom mirror at his twelve year old reflection, free of the taint of Orochimaru, twenty-five year old Yakushi Kabuto smiled.


End file.
